lesbian, celibate or gender neutral cats need only apply

I am a cat convert, thanks to my friend Heather.  I grew up hating cats…I know hate is strong…o’k I disliked cats immensely.  I had terrible allergic reactions, which led to asthmatic attacks and sometimes hospitals, every time I was in a home that housed a cat.  I wanted to like them, but in my wee bean of a head I associated great discomfort and what felt like slow strangulation every time I was in their presence.

My benefactor of all cats great and not so great, Heather, changed all that.  When I stayed over at her house last winter for a girls night, I had the unique opportunity to sleep on a comfy day bed in the sun-porch, cozy with the night light and wood stove.  Little did I know, until I rested my head upon the quilted pillow, that I in fact, was a two legged interloper in the kitty world.  Thankfully, I had out grown my crazy allergies, because I had boo-boo kitty spooning my head.  For those of you that still dislike cats, I get how gross this sounds…it still strikes unseemly, but I can’t quite put my finger on why….

Now that we live at a farm, Heather and her family felt that we needed to have cats.  Upon realizing that we have mickey and his relatives(jacked on steroids) living with the hay, both Pat and I felt it a great idea.  One day we came home to 3 cats in the barn.  One larger male cat we named Winston, and two smaller female cats named Milli and Vanilli….

Winston very quickly wore out his welcome.  He layed around(I know cats do that), but he seemed to be leering at the girls all the time.  I know that he is only a cat, but he creeped me out!  I felt like I knew him from somewhere!  Then, after a couple of days, he started to  “have his way” as they say with my perfect little girl cats.  I saw that male cats use the same method that dogs use…well I have only ever seen our dog hump his bed in the back of the truck…but his moves were the same!  Ergo, due to my extensive field studies, know unequivocally that this is how all dogs and cats do “it”.  I couldn’t take it!  Every morning as I cleaned stalls, Winston ate, lounged, then took on Milli or Vanilli.  I can tell you, the girls did not seem to like it one bit!  Neither did I!

Winston had to go.  My beloved and brave husband brought Winston back to his birth-place.  My girls are now relaxed.  They don’t pee all over and stink up the place like Winston.  They take care of each other.  Their grooming is meticulous, unlike Winston who always had half the paddocks caked on his paws.  He was messy and stinky like an adolescent boys room.  If there was any sort of rivalry between the girls for Winstons affections, it is no more.

I like my mini-harem.  My private girls club.  There are lots of “boys clubs” around, and albeit modest in size, I am a happy to support this private girls club.  My cats are content.  I would like to believe that they appreciate the fact that there are fewer distractions….erhhmmm…slimy cat guy Winston. They can concentrate on their grooming, lay in the sun and not have any  responsibilities like men or children.  This, I think, is all many of us girls want;)…at least every once in a while!



  1. Hmmm.. so Mike wants to know where your brave husband deemed Winston's "birthplace"? BTW – We have a few other gentlemen cats who would like to apply for the job. Are you accepting applications?

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