energy: yours and mine and the bullies in our lives

One major theme in my life since the explosion, is that of energy.  I became somewhat captivated by all the different forms of energy in our lives when mine was blown across the room from a propane blast.  On the most basic level the explosion was necessary to balance the gas/pressure in the house.  On a more personal level, being 20 seconds and 20 feet from death, changed my whole way of moving in the world.  It shoved me unceremoniously into taking responsibility for my own energy.  What type of energy do I contribute to my family, and the rest of the world?

Post accident I developed significant sensitivities to loud noises, loud people, bright light, strong winds, thunderstorms…I could go on…but suffice it to say, the common denominator is the physical and emotional duress I feel when exposed to an excess of energy.   This literally forced me to shut down.  I couldn’t process(I didn’t mention a brain injury too) what was coming at me.  I have migraines frequently as a result.

Obviously I couldn’t change what transpires around me, but I could be better prepared for it.   I now understand that it is my responsibility to lower my own contribution of frenetic energy in the world.  I do this through meditation, yoga, art, my animals,  and also a conscious decision to do less and move slower through-out the day.  Finding that place of peace has been the single most contributor of my healing.  I am more patient, more mindful, and happier.  So is my family.  Energy spreads.  Energy can heal.

My words are slower, my processing of information too.  This all comes in handy when I am confronted with aggressive, individuals that bully.  Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.  When I left grade school, I erroneously thought they would be left behind too.  Same thing in high school and on.  It never ceases to amaze me when I come across a bully as an adult.  The forms a bully takes can be manipulation, teasing, physical or verbal assaults,  intimidation  and of course gossip.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a business woman who was trying to convince me to become involved in her own personal matters.  She almost shouted at me to “take her side”, “plead her case”, in essence do what she was obviously incapable of doing herself.  She was angry at me, at the other person, and certainly at herself(not that she would see this).  I declined her offer, if you would call it that, and later told Pat about it.  It really upset me.  It goes beyond the fact that her actions were inappropriate, but her  insistence to agree with her, to do her bidding;  is what I refer to as “verbally irresponsible”.  The act of throwing at me her ill-thought, ill-inspired words, is a verbal act of violence. It just is.

The sad thing is that I have met this persons daughter, and she carries the same angry energy around with her.  For some reason they both seem surprised that life isn’t exactly going their way.

I would like to think that I have always been mindful of how I use my words, but the strength I now have is in protecting myself from the harm of others.  There will always be bullies in life, but there doesn’t need to be a victim.

Peace out:)


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